Abundance in Relationships

  • all-you-need-is-loveJust about everywhere you look these days, you find information on the best way to prosper financially. Whether the best way is thinking positive thoughts, landing a job in a corner office, playing the stock market or racking up trust funds, prosperity is the goal…

    And it’s all about money.

    But let’s skip the stress-loaded economics and inevitable “99%-vs-1%” political conversations for now, and let’s look at what this means at the core energetic level…where it really counts.

    I believe that the desperation for money is just one sign of a deeper problem…a cultural mindset…that’s affecting every one of us. It’s the whole paradigm of competition – that more money for you means less for me. We see it in our economic system, our political system, our educational system (competing for financial aid, registration in desirable schools, percentiles in class status, leading to better jobs and more money). And of course, we see it in our jobs (who gets the big promotion and the corner office?).

    This competition also plays out in the way we think about love and relationships: more love for you means less for me. You either win or you lose; abundance is a zero-sum game.

    We see it played out in our families: who do Mommy and Daddy love more? And we often see it in our romantic relationships: who’s more demonstrative, who gives more, who asks for more? Who’s on top? Who earns more, wears the pants, makes the decisions? Who do we think should make the decisions?

    How does this ripple out to our emotions and behavior?

    If I’ve grown up feeling as though there isn't enough money – or respect – or love – let’s call it sustenance - to go around, I may feel scared about my very survival. I may be anxious about finding and keeping a job or relationship. I might feel unworthy of respect or love, I may be overwhelmingly demanding, or hold back from giving fully because I am afraid of being hurt. I’ll be likely to feel I need to control things, and resist trusting and going with the flow.

    Kitten FeedingWe saw this in a little kitten we rescued once. She was a tiny, skinny little thing, barely two months old, half-starved, and she practically inhaled every scrap of food we put in front of her -- and then began jonesing from everyone else’s plate! She very clearly believed that she needed to eat everything in sight now, because she might never see food again.

    We needed to demonstrate to her that she would receive plenty of food in her bowl every day, several times a day. Only after several months of this could she relax and only eat as much as she wanted at that time, knowing that it would be there for her later.

    How many of us are like that kitten – terrified of trusting that we will have enough money, respect, love, sustenance of whatever sort, to meet our needs?

    Sure, you may be saying – in this society and this economy, who isn’t? But what’s the alternative?

    I think the key lies in something Albert Einstein once said: “The most important decision we can make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”

    As long as we believe that we live in a hostile universe…one in which we must struggle against constant not-enoughness of whatever sort…one in which people and/or God are judging us and condemning us…one in which we are not – or cannot be – loved, we will hold back trust, trying to control situations or force people to respect or love us. We’ll carry constant anger, fear or grief that we cannot succeed in getting what we desperately need….while being unable to see that we’re pushing it away!

    But if we believe we live in a friendly, abundant universe, we can relax, let go, and trust that our efforts to reach out for sustenance of whatever kind will be rewarded! And when we relax, our creativity can blossom, and yield opportunities and magical connections. Our trust leads to confidence, attracting people who want to benefit from our skills, gifts, and personal charisma. . We can rest in the Divine, let go of the need to control, and allow giving and receiving to happen naturally.

    That’s all very well and good, you may be saying, But what if I really don’t believe we live in a friendly universe?

    Ah, that’s the time to work on gratitude! If you’re working on giving thanks for everything that comes into your life, working on thanking your partner, or boss, or coworkers, or neighbors, or the Universe, you begin to notice just how much support and abundance you are receiving from all directions… and you hadn’t even been noticing it!

    Einstein again: “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

    How miraculous is your life?

    If you want to begin discovering the miracles of abundance in your life and relationships, be sure to see my upcoming tele-series. Blissful Living and Loving – an annual, virtual conference on love, sex and relationships. The theme this year is on Abundance, and I’m looking forward to welcoming you there as we look at building our appreciation for the love that’s flowing all around us!


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